Let’s talk Christmas, I mean why not? – Right? Seems like a fun topic…
Well, it ain’t for a great many people – me included. Don’t get me wrong, I can holly-jolly with the best of them. Christmas with all its ideals of a happy Family around the perfect dinner table. Enjoying their time together in the most Pinterest-esque kind of living room. The most Instagram worthy Christmas tree, adorned with countless presents neatly wrapped with colour schemed paper and everything else imaginable.
Now, please here me out first! I do wrap presents, in a colour scheme and yes, I love my Christmas tree to have a cohesive theme going. But let’s face it, it takes soooo much money to get it all picture perfect and quite frankly, not everyone has that money to spare. But money is not the only reason why Christmas might not be as picture perfect as we all dream about.
Austen said it first
You might ask yourself, why I called Christmas “a fearsome thing to behold”? It was used by Jane Austen to describe the most accomplished of women. Well I used it because the description kind of fits the same, in my opinion but for Christmas. We all want that Instagram/Pinterest Christmas perfection! We all can be honest about the fact that we drool over these perfect IG accounts which seemingly have their lives together. In the Book, Lizzie called these hightly accomplished singing, dancing, painting, decorating and language mastering women something to be an unrealistic picture of real life woman and these days, the same applies for our expectation of Christmas.
15 Year old Me
When I was 15, I wanted that Instagram/Pinterest perfection without these platforms even having been in existence. I fancied a happy family sitting around a big beautiful table adorned with the most perfect place settings. A tree as tall as the room itself in the most christmassy way possible. I wanted it all… badly so. Back then, I had just started befriending my eating disorder and had found that cooking for others would saturate my inner hunger perfectly without having to eat anything myself – the “I already had soooo much during the meal preparation itself, all that tasting and fine tuning of the meals, you know?” thing going for me and everyone was all too willing to buy into my façade. On looking back, I kept this going for a good decade… but we shall endeavour talking about this topic on a later date.
Picture perfect
It has taken years for me and painful years at that, to find, that even if your optical illusion of a perfect Christmas is happening, it just ain’t happening in the very moment. Many families out there are in a bad place and I’m not just talking divorce here. I’m talking abusive whether it be mentally or physically, others have lost and and are grieving what once was, others have strained relationships, and some are alone all together and those are just the tip of the iceberg….
My family is troubled with a great many ailments and no amount of years and attempts of healing can ever fix us. I tried for decades. We are a family of 5 siblings, divorced parents, a deceased parent (father) and each and every one of us brings a uniquely (but no less equally) heavy bag of issues along with them. I know, having “issues” is normal – but our issues have grown into this big unhealthy dark hole that once you climb in, you can never find a way out again. With that knowledge, we don’t talk about anything anymore, we are silently accepting what is because no one will take kindly to being faced with said “issues”.
Christmas is fun…
Well, it can be – even with all the underlaying issues BUT there is a catch. If your family, like mine, is difficult to be had in one place at one specific time – for one reason or the other, then simply stop attempting it. I did – after I was bluntly told something rather charming (I shall point out my earlier Blogpost about Mind Monsters) – in a flash I asked myself if it is all worth it, having people around who don’t like me nor anyone else at the table just to pretend my picture perfect Christmas is happening.
So after I decided “this as it” – no more slaving in the kitchen (which I honestly can say, I loved doing. I’m someone who thrives when I can provide and take care of others). No more praying that “this year it will be different” – form now on, I do it my way… small, quaint if you will, with a core group of people and yes, it is different not as lavishly big as it used to be and I no longer need to cook for 48 hours straight but it has turned out to do wonders for my psyche.
Being there for someone else
Sometimes else, we overlook – what is in front of our eyes and those are the people all alone at Christmas. Hear me out, because I’m not talking about the ones working at Christmas. I talk about people who have no one to celebrate Christmas with and are essentially alone.
This year, I have been there for someone who has been alone at Christmas. Early on in December, I started decorating his house with garlands and even a 2-meter Christmas tree found its way into his living room. Cosied-up the place to the best of my Pinterest abilities and it turned out a beaut. I did it to give someone really deserving, a cosy home for Christmas… I went all out and even stocked the fridge with yummy foods to have all week long.
You might think I’m crazy to spend my own spare time to decorate and even cook for someone without being asked to nor being paid for – but that’s just me. I know I can’t do this for everyone out there. But I can be there for people who aren’t family but greatly appreciate what I’m doing for them and yes, if I were able to do this for everyone alone at Christmas – I would. You might ask yourself “what was in it for me?”. I knew that I made someone happy and I received the loveliest of messages and thank you that honestly, turned out to be one of the greatest Christmas gifts I have every received.
Never despair
If you, like me want nothing more but a perfect Christmas – the first step of getting there is admitting defeat. Accepting that there are things beyond your control and finding another way to celebrate the festive season. Trust me in that department and know this: Just because it’s picture perfect on Instagram, Pinterest or even YouTube – it very likely has not always been or may not even be now. Content Creators earn their living with that kind of perfection. It’s a tough business, because nothing in life is truly perfect. Everything that you think you need to have this perfect Christmas is most likely nothing but a carefully crafted imagery.
In that sense, admire the pictures but make Christmas your own. Go big if you are happy doing it. Go small if it’s the best choice for you and your own sanity. Get rid of negativity and if need be – make new traditions for yourself.
