Forever is just a Concept

Forever is a funny concept…

Ever been in love or met a person whom you felt an instant platonic soulmate-ish connection with? I would assume so, dear Reader. So one recalls the „you are my forever“, „I will be by your side forever“ – the „forever phase“ as I christened it so very thoughtfully, which most every relationship of any kind knows only all too well (a little Swift reference if you will).

But have you ever looked at that concept? Have you ever grasped the fact that you loved a person so much that you truly believed that this person will be with you „forever“. And very likely, you have experienced that phenomenon not just once but multiple times. Because at one point in most every relationship or friendship, no matter it‘s inevitable lifespan, be it that of a fruit fly or that of golden retriever – you were certain that this, right there, was “it” your forever love, your forever best friend till the end of times.

I certainly have said it and I heard it said back to me but most of you, certainly, did not say it to just one person and not only one person said it back to you in however many decades you have graced the world with your presence. So it’s fascinating how bendable (we are talking freaking bretzl) that concept of “

“I’m not sentimental – I’m as romantic as you are. The idea, you know, is that the sentimental person thinks things will last – the romantic person has a desperate confidence that they won’t.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald

forever” has become. Because one day forever turns into a “good bye” and one, that for many, not always happened without a severely hurt soul. Because the person who once uttered these words knew they were no longer true most likely before you did. So “forever” has a best before date, so to speak.

When Forever is Over

Bless you, dear reader if you are with your first love and your kinder garden bestie no matter the duration. You have become a unicorn in this world of ever ending forevers. I know these unicorns are out there, few and far between as they are but they do truly exist. So what is it? What turns forevers, that were once uttered with the greatest conviction no less, into forever nots? Why were we once so certain that this very person is “it” when we have uttered it before and very likely will utter it again? Why do we say things so carelessly? Has the heart of a human turned so cold that we can put a “forever stamp” on everyone we feel even the slightest inkling of a vague romantic feeling or the thought of being friends because you have connected like no others before, towards?

I truly believe that realising a forever is not forever, is more heartbreaking than anything else. An “I love you” does not mean as much as “forever” and the more often someone breaks that concept, the more easier it is to use it again and in turn, break it again. So here we are in a world filled with people and their broken forevers…

You know that Pinterest saying that some people are with you for a season, reason or lifetime. But why? Why deviate from people we thought would be with us forever – what changed? Are we suddenly of the mindset that nothing is worth saving? Nothing worth going through thick and thin with? Same with friends even, what happend that we have learned to “collect people” and call them friends when we are most likely to not want to be friends in how ever many months time? I do not need 50 friends. Give me 3 maybe 5 good souls that will stick with me no matter how hard and I promise you, no matter how difficult, I will stay with them too.

Life is not exactly a walk in the park and if we cannot stick with someone even through the bad times, how can we expect people to stick with us through the bad times either? It requires effort, that is what it is. It requires listening, spending time and being there and you know what? We lost the capability for that. We waste time away on Social Media and doom scroll like idiots instead of texting a mate asking how he does or come by with a coffee to just talk. Why do we all just want the good times when bad times teach us so much more and bring us closer together?

Conclusions are just that, they do not bring people back

So I came to the conclusion that forever sours once people lose sight of the other person. If a person suddenly becomes uninteresting, as if they have become boring from being who they are. When time spend in any which way is suddenly no longer important. When a person rather dooms scrolls as to text someone asking how their day was, the person will learn that something as unimportant as an App holds more interest as you do. Because the App does not disappoint. The person might if they said “well, I ain’t doing great” – because that needs time, effort and takes heart. We have blinded our hearts with ever more people filtering into our lives. So we know that we can exchange someone, be it a partner or a friend, with someone else because once they require more from you and no longer perform the way you want, it becomes something that feels like an unwanted household chore.

Dear reader, let me tell you something. I never said „forever“ to someone who wasn’t a forever for me. The amount of people who I have said it to I can count on one hand. And apart from 2 people, who once pledged their forever to me. One was a lover and the other a soulmate – and as much as I tired, I was no longer their “forever”. As I look back on these two humans, whom I still love dearly and always will no matter what, I think I will have them, in my heart forever with all their faults, all their smiles and all that they are to this day. So I came to wonder, for I have enquired to people about this and everyone said to me, that once someone was out of their lives, they would be dead to them. So maybe, just maybe we should learn to not throw promises of forever around us like confetti at a birthday party but we should find out who someone is and what that person means before we give a promise of forever we can not hold.

Values and Heartbreak

I think, we all need to re-learn what value a human has. Because I truly believe no one person is truly replaceable because we are all so unique. If we keep replacing people because they require time what will come of us? The world is already filled with people feeling depressed and worthless, so why are we doing this? Why are we ruining so much with promises we never wanted to honor?

So here we are, dear reader and with a seemingly unsolvable problem in a world with ever darker clouds. And I say the only thing we can do to change, is within ourselves. We need to see people for who they are and not what we projected onto them. We need to accept faults in others for we have them too and we need to learn that not everything is bad, good times will always resurface for there is always sun after the rain. A human soul deserves our best effort however that might look.

So next time you say to someone “forever” think about it before and what it means.