Today, as I am writing this it is Valentine’s day. A difficult day for the majority I would reckon. Simply because you could have a partner but one who is not the giving type. I have seen, just about every possibility.
Why I stopped celebrating Valentine’s Day
I honestly believe, the love for a person is not measured by the amount of presents you receive. I know from experience, there are people who need this form of acknowledgment and I have seen people falter under the lack of said acknowledgment form their partner. Truth be told, I think Valentine‘s day to be one of the most difficult days of the year.
I‘m sure you have heard about the Love Languages, if not – I strongly suggest you look it up. It describes how different people need different things to feel loved and there is nothing wrong with that. The importance is, each partner knows what their respective half needs. If not it makes for incredibly hurt and lonely (yes, one can be very lonely in a relationship) people.
“There are all types of love in this world but never the same love twice.”
-F. Scott Fitzgerald
The Galentine if it all
For years, I have been a Galentine for family members and friends. I always figured, it to be a sweet idea, giving people something sweet and a note saying they are cherished. But over the years, the industry has soured this tradition for me, and my own mindset shifted quite a bit. Yes, Valentine’s Day has essentially always been a money-making marketing dreamboat in our world over the last 40 years. Lately however, it has turned into this huge pressure packed day, far worse than Christmas in my opinion. It has become this YOU MUST kind of a sentiment instead of a YOU WANT. I felt I simply must do it to keep people happy because the marketing for Valentine’s Day Happiness starts weeks before the day itself.
Love is not tied to a day
And that is the truth, really! Ideally we should be in a relationship that doesn‘t need the pressure of one day to know you are loved. In a perfect world, we should be so lucky and have partners that tell us that we are loved. Surprise us with little notes, gifts, flowers or just a comforting movie snuggle at home to show and feel loved during the year. I personally rather have a person on my side, how writes the occasional love note, or thinks of something sweet to say all year around instead of having this pressure packed into one day and utter despair if a person doesn‘t „hold up“ to it.
Valentine’s Day is not a measurement
It never was and never will be. I truly believe, your love for someone not to be measured by his/her „performance“ on this day. It simply can‘t. A person in love, will love all year around. Love has many different faces and yes, cruel ones too. I told you in the beginning, that I have seen people getting hurt for the lack of engagement of their partners on Valentine’s Day. I always try to tell them, that their partner isn‘t great in recognizing special cues nor the actual need to express their love. It‘s sad, I know especially if you are the one suffering from such a relationship.
“And in the end, we were all just humans… drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness.”
-F. Scott Fitzgerald
Don‘t let Marketing get you down
In the end, this day was made into this love-association only in the 14th century. Even though this day has been celebrated since around 500 AD. I believe it is said that Chaucer & Gower who made this romantic connection in their poetry that linking this day to love, but I employ you don‘t have to believe this, and maybe read the poems they are referred to. It was even later (around the 18th century) when people started „using“ this day to surprise their adored with chocolates, flowers and a card. Yes, maybe people felt the need to have a day to express their love, these were different times, love was not shown like it is in our day and age.
Would I ValExit this day
Yes, I would – simply because I know it is only a money driven day anyways. People will very likely disagree with me here but I honestly believe, there are more people left scared by this day as it makes for happy ones. Likely, the happy ones are happily loved all year round anyways with no need for further „validation“, those who only get shown they are love on this day, feel scared knowing their partner only feels obliged to do these things, the ones with partners that don‘t do anything but desperately want them to feel hurt because their partner isn‘t „doing“ Valentine‘s Day and the ones alone feel sad and often depressed because this day is portrayed as the happiest day for everyone around but you.
Don‘t validate your Relationship because of Valentine’s Day
You know, if you are in an unhappy relationship, there is no need for a special day. Just like the people who get love shown to them by their partners all year round. These people don‘t need this day to underline that fact either. Every relationship is different, often partners speak different love languages. The key is to know what the other needs and give it to them. Yes, it is surely difficult if one partner speaks the language of gift giving and the other only needs words of affirmation. Each one is likely to think only in our own needs to feel loved. So I ask you to tell each other what love language you speak and ask your partner to indulge in it even if it might seem hard at first and you should do the same.
