Story time on here on the Blog today. The last couple of weeks have been rough. Well not just rough but at times seem unbearable. Call me dramatic or over the top because I know, only too well, that billions have it hundred times worse than me. So talking about Selfcare & Selflove might not sound important in your day and age but it is.
Someone once said, just because the person next to you is in a full body cast unable to move doesn’t diminish your own pain. Even if it’s “only” a broken heart, or a spike in depression or whatever else you are suffering from or is giving you a hard time now. You matter just as much as the next person.
Taking care of other people when they need it is an admirable thing to do, I know that. I have spent much of my life taking better care of everyone around me as I have myself. Somewhere in my youth or childhood a switch must have been flipped and I started prioritising other people over myself and that is a dangerous thing to do.
Neglect the Selflove & Selfcare
The amount of neglect on myself has at time been incredible visible and at times not at all. It was however there almost all my life. People asked me to do things, free of charge when they would pay others doing the same, I have been an emotional trashcan for people who used me to dump their own problems at my feet, I was a free of charge personal shopper spending hours upon hours to find and track down items, negotiating prices. I have taken care of relatives that were unable to do it themselves whilst I was harassed by them (which was due to their disease, I know – but it was hard all the same doing the best one can and being treated so badly). The list is endless and my physical and mental decline went along with it.
A therapist once told me I have a “people pleasing” problem. Apparently, I believe in the fact that if I keep people happy, they would in turn spread this happiness into the world when, these people never did. Truth is, their Selflove and Selfcare probably is non existent.
A Habit to kick
Realising that I have issues and that I need to work on myself – took forever. When I say forever, I mean it. I was in my late 20’s when I started to change my outlook onto the world and the people around me. Getting my mindset to shift into a healthier way was incredibly hard. I literally fell of that horse so many times that I was bruised and batters for years. Maybe I still am not fully there, clearly and I will always be there for people to an extent – it’s who I am but I must and can not neglect myself in the process.
Forward to 3,5 months ago…
Shortly before Christmas life took over and I spiralled down a “help others” spiral quickly. Practically stopped existing and I figured, once Christmas was over and the New Year has started, I would be back on track again, but life had something else in store for me. I have basically not done any sports, I stopped looking after myself and I feel like a scarecrow these days. I love fashion, picking out clothing to wear each day was always something I loved doing. These days, I basically wear a uniform of black skinny jeans, a black turtleneck, UGGs a coat and the same neverfull bag that fits more that anyone could ever need. I haven’t toned my blond hair in months so by now, it’s essentially copper, my skin is in the worst shape it has been in years…. Can’t even recall when I wore makeup last.
Selfcare Rulebook
Did you know that the same ideas can be applied for selfcare as they do in the love languages? I did and it is so very true.
Quality Time
As much of your time during the day, week, month is spent on everything that is needed to keep ones live going, we often forget the most important “thing” that keeps it all going. Ourselves. I’m not talking about taking each afternoon off and having it to yourself. I’m talking about an evening a week or maybe two to have to yourself. Have the time for yourself too – don’t go about getting things done, just spend the time on you. Read, pamper and do what you need to get your batteries recharged again.
Acts of Service
Treat yourself with the love and care you treat others with. Make yourself the healthy meals you fancy instead of the quick fix frozen pizza because your days was too long already to spend the time on anything else. Make yourself count again. This goes out to all other areas as well. You are worth going the extra mile for.
Receiving Gifts
I’m not talking about a shopping frenzy every week. Get yourself a manicure, if that is something you really like. Buy yourself the new sweater from H&M that you have craved or even start putting away some money each month to treat yourself to something bigger at the end of the year. Maybe some flowers or that magazine that usually is way to expensive. There are a million ways that don’t cost a fortune.
Physical Touch
What ever gives you comfort. Whether it be snuggling under a blanket watching Netflix or spending quality time giving yourself a foot massage. There are all kinds of possibilities – do what you want and makes you happy.
Words of Affirmation
Just as you build up the confidence in everyone else around you. Start being your own cheerleader. Tell yourself that you are doing great, that you are an amazing human being. Do it daily and more than once. Be proud of the person you are and don’t beat yourself up if things go wrong.
Today
I started with some selfcare time and got my hair fixed, I went brown again and I feel like a new person. Treated myself to a new coat, ordered some props for taking flatlays. It might sound incredibly shallow to you but after taking care of everyone and everything else but me for months – this feels like a new lease of life for me. Next up is treating my body with more kindness too, my food intake has suffered, and I need it back to where it once was same goes for the sport I have basically abandoned.
The YOU is what matters! If you aren’t happy, you can not expect to make others happy either. Start the selfcare today to be a happier you tomorrow!!
